We’ve been keeping a secret…

It’s been quiet on the blog, and it’s because we’ve been (sort of) keeping a secret.

We’re expecting a baby in December!

(…I’m back.  Sorry, I just blissed out for a minute staring at that sentence!)

I am 13 weeks and we have known for the last seven.  It’s been an incredible month and a half as we’ve been to fun doctor’s appointments, heard the heartbeat, seen our little one on an ultrasound, etc.

The best part is that it was a total surprise.  It may sound strange that after two years of infertility treatments we could end up being pregnant by surprise.  But that’s how the Lord chose to work. We would have loved our child any way it came to us, but God chose to expand our family with the coolest story ever.

In mid-March we met with our specialist from Florida to regroup after the increasing difficulty we’d had over the previous several months.  Without going into a lot of detail, he basically told us that our only real shot at conceiving was with IVF.  Without it, we had less than a 2% chance.  We were devastated.  We personally never felt God give us peace about pursuing IVF, so we knew that this was the abrupt end of the road toward a biological child.

It was a shock to say the least.

Our infertility journey sometimes seemed never-ending.  It was painful and frustrating, made even more so during those last months when things that had worked before suddenly got us nowhere.  But the idea that it was over was difficult to accept.  With each month, we had had some hope.  But now that chapter was closed, removing hope in the process.

We decided to take as long as we needed to grieve the idea of a biological child before we pursued other ways of growing our family.  I bought some clothes I’d been needing now that I knew I was staying the same size for the foreseeable future.  I relished drinking as much coffee as I wanted.  Slowly, we let go and asked God to give us peace about how to move forward.

Little did we know that He was way ahead of us.  He had given us a child just days after the last meeting with our doctor — no meds, no procedures, just His power and grace.

In April, I started to not feel well.  I suddenly didn’t want to eat anything but bread and cheese, and I definitely did not want vegetables (weird for me).  I mentioned to Charlie off and on that my abdomen felt tight or sore.

Charlie went out of town to a wedding one weekend, and I woke up feeling nauseated each night.  That Sunday I woke up and saw the last pregnancy test we had left over from treatments.  Something clicked and I took it on a whim, fully expecting it to be negative like so many others. It was immediately positive!  I managed to scream, laugh and cry all in one confused, overwhelmed moment.  Then I called Charlie at 6am, and he thought something was wrong until I could finally spit it out.  Being apart wasn’t at all how we imagined finding out, but it was still wonderful!

The sweetest thought I remember from that morning is that God remembered me.  Add my name to the list of Hannah, Rachel, and so many others.  Our God sees us and remembers us.

We went down to Jacksonville later that week for an ultrasound with our doctor.  He walked in with the biggest smile and just said,”Well, I’m so proud of you two!”  We couldn’t believe we had said goodbye to him for good just six weeks ago, and now here he was showing us our child.  It was a precious moment when we hugged him goodbye and closed that office door for the last time.

So this is the story God chose to write for our family, and it’s much more beautiful than any we could have imagined.  We feel so honored that He chose to not only give us a child, but an undeniable testimony of His power.  We felt from the beginning that He did it this way so that we would have a story to tell — a story that proves Him kind, faithful and unhindered by any difficulty.  And we will definitely love telling it!

As normal life stressors arise, my heart is already so encouraged to remember that we serve a God who gives babies to the barren, so that He can certainly handle anything else I entrust to His loving arms.

I can’t wait to look into our sweet child’s face for the rest of my life and be reminded that we serve a God who loves us beautifully.  He sees us and knows us like no other.  What a Father!

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One thought on “We’ve been keeping a secret…

  1. What an amazing testament to the power of God. He may not always work on the timeline we’d like, but His love never fails us. I’m so over the moon happy for you both. I cannot wait to snuggle that sweet Baby Duffield!

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