“I’m not at my limit yet; I can take more.”
That’s what I found myself thinking when I learned I need a new medicine to resolve a small issue before I can get back to the medicine I need for another procedure. 18 months of hormone “uppers” and now a few weeks of “downers.” I’m turning into a junkie! Honestly, it’s been hard. Hard on my body with side effects like headaches, fatigue, nausea and hot flashes. And hard on my heart when a wonderful date night is interrupted by crazy mood swings.
But I’m not done. We’re not done.
I have no idea how long this will last or if we will reach the point where we choose to stop without having a child. But I do know that as fragile as my body feels on some days, I have been blown away by how strong my heart is.
I used to love running and strength training because it felt so good to push my body to its limit and see it respond. I can’t do that anymore during this process, but I’m on a similar journey with my heart. It’s being pushed all the time, and I’m constantly amazed at how it’s responding.
Sometimes we cry, sometimes we laugh, sometimes I get frustrated and scream (this never seems to happen to Charlie, of course!) But our hearts haven’t quit. Our God hasn’t quit. Charlie and I can take more because He will give us more strength. He will give us more grace. He will give us more of what we need at each turn.
When I was learning to run, I would break up the distance by minutes. If I could just run the next minute, I’d be fine. Then if I could just focus on breathing through that next minute, I’d be halfway there. It helped me go longer each time until I actually became a runner. I couldn’t think about the whole 4 miles at the start because I’d want to quit.
That’s how we feel right now. If we can be patient through the two weeks of this medicine, we’ll get to the next step. We can’t think about how long or short a road we might have from there. We will run each little part, strengthened by the Lord and giving each other grace, then look back later and celebrate how far we’ve come.