“They’re not going to let you take the medicine this month. I’m sorry.”
Tears stung my eyes. As we get ready to try something new to start our family, a preliminary ultrasound showed a complication. It wasn’t serious, but it was enough of an issue to derail the plan we’ve been waiting months for. More frustratingly, it indicated a pattern that we’d have to somehow break before we could do anything else. Another issue to chase when all we want to do is walk straight forward to our baby.
I drove home in tears, telling God I don’t understand. He could have made this so different. If He’s with us, why won’t He act for us? I felt myself getting angry at Him again, but instead of shutting Him out, I let Him have it — the anger, the sadness and the frustration. I love Him and I don’t understand Him.
The office in Thomasville sent my information to our doctor in Florida to decide how to proceed. He said he wanted to examine me himself and could I be there tomorrow? We thought, at best, he’d be able to do something quickly to resolve the issue. But we still knew our chance this month was done.
Sitting in the waiting room the next day, I felt nervous. I like to know what to expect and I didn’t know what lay ahead of us now.
Our doctor sounded so casual as he told us, “OK, so you’ll start the medicine tonight and then we’ll proceed as we’ve discussed before.”
What?? No. Remember — I’m here because of what that ultrasound showed yesterday. I can’t take the medicine because we have to fix that first.
He turned the screen toward me and explained that it was completely gone. Everything was clear. He couldn’t explain it, but it resolved itself in less than a day.
This may seem like a long story for a small issue, but it has been profound to us. On Thursday, we had no idea what the Lord was doing. Why did He allow this frustrating issue? Why would He bring us to this point and then come to a full stop?
I know now it’s because He wanted us to experience His sovereign power on Friday. He orchestrated a dramatic turnaround to show us He hears our cry, loves us, and is able to do all we ask.
He allowed a bad ultrasound so that it would lead to a second ultrasound where He could show us how powerful He is. How for us He is. If everything had been clear on Thursday, we would have thought it was normal. Instead, when everything was clear on Friday, we knew it was divine.
“Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” John 11:32
But, Mary, if Jesus had been there you would not have witnessed Him raising your brother from the dead. If He had done what you hoped, you would have missed something even greater. And He did not leave you alone in the disappointment and pain. He wept with you before showing you greater things.
I truly believe the Lord was hurting while we hurt on Thursday. But now I know He was also saying, “Just stay with me. Let me walk you through this night until we can get to tomorrow. It’s going to be good.”