The small man at the window

“Fear is a small man standing close to the window of your heart in order to appear large.”

For most of my adult life, I have lived with a general anxiety. Even though it’s more rare now, I know it’s something I have to watch for. I know that when something in my life changes — due to bad things like a hurricane or even good things like a move — it comes alive and digs in its claws. It’s not that I walk around scared, but I can find myself rearranging everyday activities to accomodate the fear.

So when I recently read that sentence above, I cheered a little.

As I’ve matured, I’ve realized my failures or disasters are fewer than my times of joy and peace. They just loom larger and seem overwhelming because sometimes I allow them to stand too close to my heart.

“I keep my eyes always on the Lord; With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” Psalm 16:8

I’ve learned – though I still have to remind myself – to let the Lord stand closest to my heart.  Even when I feel a trigger get pulled, feel the anxiety ready to spread through my heart like fire, I remember He is my shield.  He is the Hand that guides me over the rocks, the Light that crowds out the darkness.

My heart’s eye will not turn to the small man, looming at the window.  He makes himself appear big and tempts me to stay stuck where I am, lifeless with fear.

Instead, my heart will stare down the peace, joy, and assurance of He who is larger, He who is greater, and He who gives life.

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